I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to make a zoo with you.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
