You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
