im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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