Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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