what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
