shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
