I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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