I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
