yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
