I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
