I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
