I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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