I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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