so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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