I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
