She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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