her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
