Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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