so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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