Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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