if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
