you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
