new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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