u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
