if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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