the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
