If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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