Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
