The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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