I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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