FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
