he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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