i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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