I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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