They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
