Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
