You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
