I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
