I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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