I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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