Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
