the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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