You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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