I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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