i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My ATM looks so different sober.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
