What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
