dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize