Screwed.edu
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
