BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
