Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
