she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
