while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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