her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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