Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
