I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
