this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
