I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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