Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
