you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
