i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
