I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
