i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
