I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
