Moan for me like Helen Keller
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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