Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
