Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize