ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
