I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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