2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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