I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
