really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
