The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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