you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize